[Humour] Sujet humoristique et sarcastique du café vert...

[Dorian CAUDAL]

Un sujet posté par Martin Pulman sur le café vert ICI.

Je ne résiste pas à l'envie de vous le partager tellement j'ai ri et reconnu des choses réalistes dans le "mentalisme" d'aujourd'hui

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SERPENS OLEUM

I have been privileged and honoured to recently be blessed with a Skype call from a close friend of mine in the mentalism industry-those who know the real underground stuff will know who I'm talking about. He graciously shared with me an extraordinary new propless technique that will blow your mind, while quite possibly blowing all former techniques out of the water.

I begged him not to release it, but he insisted that it was his duty to share his wisdom with a select few within the community, lest that wisdom be lost. I then begged him to put 'S.O.' (Serpens Oleum)at a price point that would place it far out of the hands of the merely curious. He graciously agreed to this request. "S.O." will be a strictly limited edition hardcover of 200 copies, selling for $200 each (which, for workers, is a steal).

He has, however, in a fit of crazy generosity, allowed me to share with Café members one effect from this soon to be released masterpiece of our art. It is a Billetless-Name-Guess.

The technique is called "Serpens Oleum". The effect is called 'Praenomen'. But I warn you, if you choose to proceed you will be performing something so real, it's unreal.

The following is an extract from the upcoming limited edition book "Serpens Oleum" by ****** ******. All TV, radio, internet and other media performance rights are the copyright of the creator.

"Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there, he wasn't there again today, I wish that man would go away" - Ancient Gypsy poem.

"It was a cold, blustery day. It was raining. The sort of thin, persistent rain that initially makes you think -I don't need an umbrella for that!- but then creeps up on you and soaks you to the skin, leaving you looking like that girl from The Ring getting out of a bathtub.

I darted into my favourite local coffee boutique and began blowing the minds of Vera and Brenda, the lovely ladies responsible for vending the frothy bean-derived goodness.

In the middle of performing one of my signature pieces ("Shifty Paradigms", "Between Two Cheeks"" or "My Complication of a Classic" - I can't remember which - but they are all included in an unpublished ebook shared among a special, chosen few -you know who you are!!!) I suddenly realised that if I combined all of the techniques I had read that week, I would have a piece of completely prop free mentalism that would re-write the rule book.

I asked the younger barista-ress, Brenda, to think of a name of someone she knew. Any name. No restrictions. As long as it wasn't some weird foreign name -a male name common in schools in the North and Midlands of England in the 1990s was what we were after. A few minutes later I had nailed it. She and her co-worker looked at me with what can only be called confused disbelief. And I thought to myself, I have done it; I have performed the REAL THING!!!. I skipped from the coffee emporium, certain that I had crossed the Rubicon without getting my feet wet.

I immediately Skyped with one of the "Wrecked Crew" -our merry band of prop-less mental mafia (you know who you are!!! Note: We used to be big fans of Luke Jermay and Peter Turner, but we don't like them now they've gone all mainstream and traditional. Traitors!!!). Anyway, I performed "Praenomen" for ****** ******. He was dumbfounded and looked aghast. "You can't seriously be thinking of releasing that!" he cried. I know, I thought. It's too powerful. It will end up on youtube being performed badly by the merely curious or else it will be all over Chinese websites like a bad mind rash.. I promised to keep it close to my chest and not to mention even a word of its existence outside our tiny clique.

Indeed, after the first coffee shop performance, I have never performed it again.

But, days have passed since that fateful Skype call -I have held onto the secret for long enough. I feel it is now time to pass on the wisdom to you in the hope that you will care and protect it as much as I have.

PRAENOMEN:

Effect:

Ask your participant to think of a name. Any name. No restrictions (although a male. English name from the 90s is preferable don't worry, you will be able to adapt to your own bizarre languages and countries). With a few verbal sleights and innocuous questions, you immediately name the name they have named only in their mind. No rough and smooth, no marked jeux_de_cartes, no thread, no faffing about with business cards (eurgh!) -Good God man, it's 2016, what are you-an accountant from a 1970s sit-com!!!. It can be performed on-stage, in a parlour (or even a cloakroom), close-up, by Skype (preferred medium), on the telephone, by registered post or via morse code. There are no restrictions.This is the real work. For workers.

Method:

It is easiest to explain this revolutionary technique by taking you through a real world example. I will use the initial encounter in the coffee shop. Obviously I would begin with 30-45 minutes of pre-chat in which I told the participant anecdotes from my childhood. But, as those are very specific to me, I won't include them here. Please, please, please use your own childhood anecdotes! There is nothing worse than hearing an amateur mentalist repeating someone else's childhood anecdotes verbatim!!! Be yourself for goodness sake! Ok. Onwards.

MENTALIST: Can you think of a name of a boy you liked at school.

BRENDA: (giggling)Yes, I've got one.

MENTALIST: Okay, I want you to think of the year you were born.

BRENDA: What's that got to do with the nam--

MENTALIST: --Please! Focus!!! This will only work if we work together on this. OK!!!

BRENDA: Sorry.

MENTALIST: Forget about it. **** happens. Ok. Focus on the year you were born. Focus on the four digits.

BRENDA: I'm doing it.

MENTALIST. Now mix those digits up in your mind. Good. Now think of two of those digits. In fact, to make it harder, think of the highest and the lowest digit?

BRENDA: Ok--

MENTALIST: Now multiply them, and think of the total.

BRENDA: Right.

MENTALIST: That is your life number in ancient Xanaduan numerology (I call this their 'Xanadu number'). Do not forget it!!!

(I tap in the air above their head every time I say 'Xanadu". This cements the number into their mind. I call this "The Cementadu Principle"

You see what we have done. By asking them to focus on the highest and lowest digits we appear to have made it harder for ourselves but in fact we have restricted them to the digits 'one' and 'nine'! Anyone older than seventeen (at time of printing) will have a 'one' and a 'nine' in their birth year: 1982, 1997, 1936. etc. We now know the number they are merely thinking of is 1 X 9= NINE! We are not just one ahead. We are miles ahead!!! NOTE:if they look as if they were born after 1999 (lucky them!), merely ask them to think of the name of someone older than them and ask for THAT person's birth year)

MENTALIST: Now, think of how many letters are in the name you are thinking of (if she counts on her fingers you can nail this immediately and go home) Now, is this number higher or lower than your Xanadu number. (tap. Cementadu)

BRENDA: Lower.

MENTALIST: By how many?

BRENDA: Two.

(You now know that the name has SEVEN LETTERS!!! but, cunningly, you don't use that information immediately. Instead, you now give them a character reading based on that number. I like to relate the reading to the person they are thinking of. It adds an extra layer of believability.)

MENTALIST: That means you are not particularly close to this person.

BRENDA: Er…actually,I'm married to them!

MENTALIST:No, I mean they are not close to you at the moment. They are not in the coffee shop.

BRENDA: No, he's at work.

MENTALIST: I thought so.

(Do you see how the verbal ambiguity has allowed me to slip seamlessly out of that tricky situation and get a direct hit! Thank you Kenton.)

MENTALIST (cont'd): Now, think of the first letter of the name you are thinking of, and think of which number that letter is at in the alphabet. For example, 'A' would be the number 'one'.

(If she smiles at this point you have a direct hit. Claim the glory! If not, continue and watch for how long she takes to count to the number in the alphabet. If she takes ages to count to the number it will be a letter later in the alphabet, but don't worry if this misses, it is an advanced technique, and you're going to get her to tell you via the higher/lower subtlety, anyway.)

MENTALIST: Is that number higher or lower than your Xanadu number? (Tap. Cementadu.)

BRENDA: Higher.

MENTALIST:By how many?

BRENDA: Nine.

MENTALIST: Nine of a difference means that this person doesn't always tidy up after themselves.

(Don't worry. I'll explain what I did here. I used the knowledge she leaked about the name being the husband to give a more personalised reading, but this is just cover for the gold. You can give any reading at this point-or maybe perform a drawing duplication based on the number. In any event, you now know the letter is "R". It is the 18th letter of the alphabet and 18 is 9 higher than the number 9!!! Note, you can do this for all letters of the alphabet bar 'I' which is the same number as the Xanadu number. If they say the numbers are the same, you can claim an incredible coincidence and end the effect there, if you choose! Personally, I would keep going-greater wonders are to come.

(You know the name has seven letters and starts with R. You are home free)

MENTALIST (cont'd): Okay, focus on the name. See it as if he is the star of a film at your local multi-plex…

(She focuses)

MENTALIST: I see an 'E'!

BRENDA: No.

(Always do a miss-call at this point. It makes the effect seem real and silences any doubts they may have had about the previous questions. It also builds up a big finale).

MENTALIST No. It looks like a capital E gone wrong with an added loop, a drooping middle and the bottom bit fallen off. It's an 'R'.

BRENDA: (excited): yes!!!

MENTALIST: Tell 'Richard' to pick up his smelly socks!!!

Back of the net!!!

As long as you know the first letter and the number of letters you should be able to name any name. But if you are stuck you could always use a billet to get the second letter, or ask for the name of an animal starting with the letter before, or get them to place down some playing cards or something. If that all fails, just tell them that it doesn't work on unimaginative people and segue into a sure-fire effect like Scotch and Soda..

*** Since writing this I have realised an even stronger "out". I would ask the participant to walk with me into the corner as if we are about to have an argument, and would then use the "Dunninger Ploy" to get the name. (See 'Psychological Subtleties' by Banachek. If you don't know this Ploy, give up the game. It kills!!!)

Now, all that remains is to just Re-frame the whole thing. Please do not skip this part. It could scupper all of your previous good work. Believe me, Re-framing covers your tracks and means that the effect will grow exponentially in the re-telling.

MENTALIST: I asked you to think of a name; I didn't ask a single question and yet I named your thought.

BRENDA: Er, actually--

Quickly leave.

A miracle.

That is PRAENOMEN. Use it wisely."

Stunning, right!!! I actually feel slightly embarrassed for anyone still using a ****** or a **********.

There are six other incredible effects using the SO principle, including a billet-less Hippity Hoppity Rabbits, a revolutionary Mindreader As Spectator effect in which you tell the participant to read your mind then heckle them when they can't, and a stunning effect in which you turn night into day (this one only works at certain times of the day but when it hits it's a killer!). The material is suitable for both close-up and stage, but really, who does stage these days with all that scriptwriting and rehearsal and entertaining the public hoo-hah. No, coffee shops and bedroom Skype sessions are where the real work is being done these days!!!

As I said, this will be a strictly limited release in hardback (the unlimited download will come in six months time if all the books are sold by then.)

The quotes are already in:

"This is the best effect in the history of mentalism." BEST FRIEND OF CREATOR

"I've already added it to my act" FRIEND OF CREATOR WHO HAS NEVER LEFT HIS BEDROOM, FAR LESS PERFORMED AN ACT.

"This book is well worth your attention" WELL-KNOWN MENTALIST WHO HAS HIS OWN £200 BOOK COMING OUT AND WANTS HIS BACK SCRATCHED WHEN THE TIME COMES

"I got a critique copy and this kills!!!I would have paid ten times the price" Café MEMBER WHO GETS EVERYTHING FOR FREE AND GIVES EVERYTHING A GREAT critique IN THE HOPE HE'LL GET MORE FREE STUFF.

"If you understand mentalism, you will see how brilliant this is. If you don't see how brilliant this is, you don't understand Mentalism" SOME YOUNG GUY WHO DOES HIS OWN YOUTUBE critique SHOW FILMED ON HIS I-PHONE AND IS NOW THE WORLD"S LEADING EXPERT ON MENTALISM.

Price:$200 Special pre-order price:$250.

[Yves MARTIN (HREJ)]

Mort de rire !

Dommage que je ne comprenne pas l'anglais

[Invité]

Très drôle !! Moi non plus je ne lis pas l'english !!.

[Invité]

Excellent... et parfois pas loin de la réalité... mais combien arriveront à se reconnaître?

Merci pour le partage, j'ai vraiment beaucoup ri (le Dunninger ploy étant l'apothéose).

[Nicolas GAUFRETEAU]

Moi je comprends (pas bilingue non plus) et c'est très drôle en effet.

Ça ressemble tellement à ce que l'on voit tout le temps

Comme quoi il ne faut pas grand chose pour passer de la réalité vers l'absurde .. à moins que ...

[Nicolas GAUFRETEAU]

Ma préférée :

MENTALIST: I asked you to think of a name; I didn't ask a single question and yet I named your thought.

BRENDA: Er, actually--

Quickly leave.

[Christophe HLFTR]

"Si vous comprenez l'anglais, vous allez voir à quel point ce mesage du café vert est drôle. Si vous ne trouvez pas ça drôle, alors vous ne comprenez pas l'anglais. "

[Christophe HLFTR]

La question Friboudi est : est-ce que tu t'es reconnu ?

[Jean-Baptiste PREVOST]

Pulman ou un des seuls mec intègre du cafe.

Il a dû vouloir essayer les ebooks de Fraser Parker...

[Thomas BARTHES]

Pour les non-anglophones, je vous traduis juste les fausses citations de la fin (pour le reste, mettez un coup de google trad, mais vous risquez de perdre un peu au passage) :

"Le meilleur effet de l'histoire du mentalisme" (Le meilleur ami du créateur)

"Je l'ai déjà ajouté à mon numéro" (Ami du créateur qui n'a jamais quitté sa chambre, encore moins présenté un numéro)

"Ce livre mérite pleinement votre attention" (Mentaliste très connu qui a un bouquin à 200 livres sur le point de sortir et qui veut qu'on lui rende la pareille le moment venu)

"J'ai eu une copie gratuite et ça tue ! J'aurais payé dix fois le prix !" (Un membre du café qui a toujours tout gratuitement et qui donne un avis positif sur tout dans l'espoir de continuer à recevoir des trucs gratuits)

"SI vous comprenez le mentalisme, vous verrez à quel point c'est brillant. Si vous ne voyez pas à quel point c'est brillant, c'est que vous ne comprenez rien au mentalisme". (Un petit jeune qui présente sa propre émission Youtube de revue, filmée sur son IPhone, et qui est maintenant le meilleur expert mondial en mentalisme).

Prix : 200 dollars. Prix spécial pré-commande : 250 dollars.